One of my clients recently shared that he and his wife kept their money separate. He believed their system contributed to the success of their 22-year marriage. This concept surprised me; however, one key to a successful marriage is to develop a money management plan that works for the couple.
Arguments over money majorly contribute to marital unhappiness, and financial conflicts factor in about 40% of all divorces. The ideal time to discuss spending habits, bill-paying responsibilities, and saving goals is before a couple marries. It will reduce stress if each person in the relationship understands their partner’s money management philosophy before tying the knot. After marriage, the couple should regularly review their plan and adjust for income changes, family needs, and joint priorities.
It was clear from my client’s comments that he and his wife followed a very different budgeting strategy than the one my husband and I use. And our plan differed from my parents’ approach. I will share these three approaches as alternatives that you might consider for your family.
My Client’s Approach: My client and his wife are well-educated professionals earning higher-than-average salaries. They split all their bills 50-50, and each partner can decide how to spend, save, or invest their remaining income. They have their own checking accounts and do not answer to each other about how they spend money. He mentioned that they had a joint checking account early in their marriage. After over-drawing their account due to both of them spending money unknown to the other, they decided to maintain separate accounts.
Advantages of this approach: (1) Each person establishes and maintains their own credit, so their credit decisions do not impact the other’s credit score; (2) there is less chance of overdrawing their accounts; and (3) each spouse feels in control of their own spending decisions, so they avoid arguments.
My Parents’ Approach: My father served in the Marine Corps during the first 24 years of their marriage. Since he spent months at a time deployed overseas, my mother needed to be able to run the household and pay all the bills. Dad, of course, needed some spending money at his deployment location. Their solution was to determine the amount of funds Mom required to run the household and have a reasonable amount of discretionary spending. Dad transferred that amount to Mom’s bank account each month. Dad kept the rest and spent or invested it as he saw fit.
Advantages of this approach: (1) Mom managed variable expenses, such as food and clothing, exceptionally well, which gave her a significant amount of discretionary money; (2) there are minimal risks of overdrawing accounts, and (3) each of them had financial independence with regards to discretionary spending.
Our Approach: My husband and I have dealt with our income and spending more uniquely. We have always combined our income and made spending decisions as a couple. I am the financial person, so I pay the bills and balance the checkbook. My husband does not like to write checks, so the risks of overdrafts are minimal. Fortunately, we are both fiscally responsible and only make large purchases if we discuss it with the other. We have multiple checking, savings, and credit card accounts and alternate who is the primary owner to have well-established credit.
Advantages of this approach: (1) We have open discussions about spending and investing so that we are fully informed of our financial position; (2) we both have excellent credit and nearly equal credit scores; and (3) we never view money as his or hers, so there is not a conflict if one person is unemployed for a period.
It is God’s desire that married couples live in harmony. Developing a money management plan that works for you and your spouse is essential to living in harmony. If you do not have a plan in place that you and your spouse are happy with, pray about the situation and ask God for wisdom to devise a better approach. God promises to supply wisdom to anyone who asks Him for it. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5
My Bible study, Honoring God with Your Money, can give you more steps to manage your money harmoniously with God’s Word.
Susan's Reflections 